Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
