I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
