how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
