I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
