I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
