my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
