he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
