That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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