It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
