Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
