Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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