i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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