I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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