Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
