Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
