i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
