R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
