we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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