i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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