I hate all girls vehemently.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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