You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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