I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
