Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
