I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
