im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
