Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
