good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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