3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We just shotgunned beers for America
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
