I'm gonna have a badass scar
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
