There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
