So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
