I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
