i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
