This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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