i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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