just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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