I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
