sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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