I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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