im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
