I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
