For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
