it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
