so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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