You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
