i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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