Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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