I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the high leading the old right now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
