Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
