Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
