we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
