you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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