I bet he comes in French.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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