Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
