Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
