clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
