Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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